Diagnosis & first steps
How was the cancer found?
He was initially misdiagnosed by his primary doctor. For reasons unknown to me, his primary physician and medical team glossed over his symptoms, as if he had a bad flu that could be treated with cold medications, antibiotics, and steroids. After weeks of seeing no relief, we finally went to an ENT who gave us a definitive diagnosis.
How did you hear the news?
To hear someone in their 20’s could have cancer seems unbelievable. It used to be an older person’s disease. We first heard my son might have cancer from a newly minted doctor, while attending a social event. By the time the ENT and pathologist verified the diagnosis, my reaction wasn’t shock, but resignation.
What went through your mind when you were told?
My first thought was, “he’s too young, he’s fit, he’s clean, how could this have happened” My next thought was, “what’s going through his head? We’ll get through this together” Lastly, “Thank god he just moved back home” We can help him take care of himself.
What happened in the days right after the diagnosis?
The next few a days were a blur of trying decide on a care team, making appropriate appointments, setting up a new routine at home, and letting the rest of the family know. Telling family and friends was very difficult. We had to repeat the previous days events multiple times while trying to field questions that we couldn’t answer right away.
My son asked that everyone give him a couple of weeks to wrap his head around the situation. So, we created two message groups - one for immediate family, and one for close friends - in which we could keep everyone updated.
When he was ready, he would reach out to people himself.
I’m happy to say everyone respected his wishes.
Relationships & support
How should you show your support?
Everyone we spoke to expressed true sympathy and sadness that such a thing could happen to a young person. In my friends’ circle, many had children the same age and could help feeling empathy as if it happened to their own child. They showed their support by understanding when we didn’t text back right away, or just let us be when we vented over the unfairness of the situation. My son’s friends, on the other hand, sent him cookies and ice cream which helped his spirits greatly. He felt their love.
Looking back
What did I miss?
It took too long to get the right diagnosis. There are many doctors in our friends and family circle, and while they all meant well, only one actually listened and put us on the right path.
Looking back, I wish I understood cancer has no age limit. Symptoms shouldn’t be treated over and over again with no relief. Getting a second proper opinion from an expert is vital: if your cold refuses to go away, see an ENT.